It’s inevitable. It’s part of the human experience. It arouses strong emotions.
We’re talking about conflict, of course. As coaches we are good at managing and coaching our clients through conflict (aren’t we??).
There are many ways of dealing with conflict, of course, and we all have our preferences. Some tend to avoid it at all costs, often at their own expense. Others become quite aggressive and can damage relationships in the process. Still others tend to roll over and accommodate, failing to get their own needs met in life.
First, conflict is not bad. It is a natural occurrence. As noted earlier, it is part of the human experience. It’s how it’s managed that makes the difference.
Selecting the best approach to managing conflict depends on the situation, and the capabilities and awareness of the individual. There are times when it is best temporarily avoided, at least until emotions calm down. Other times we need to step up to an aggressive approach. And sometimes it’s best to compromise (give a little, get a little), or accommodate (if we know we are wrong or it really doesn’t matter much). And then, of course, there’s the win-win, Getting-to-Yes, collaborative approach to resolving conflict.
The best among us flex, stretch themselves out of their comfort zone, and adapt the approach to the unique circumstances of the situation. Conflict is addressed effectively, in a healthy balanced manner without damaging relationships and without giving up on our own needs.
Handling the inevitable conflicts that arise in life is a topic that frequently surfaces in coaching. Proactively and consciously identifying a path to managing conflict is a powerful first step, an authentic one. Supporting our clients as they sift through the various ways of dealing with conflict themselves is just one of the key coaching skills so worthy of exploration and growth in your coaching journey.
Dr. Laura Belsten, is Dean of the Graduate School of Coaching, a Master Certified Coach (MCC), and a national leader in the field of Emotional Intelligence. Personal Power is one of the twenty-four key competencies of the Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile ™.
It’s time to put the biggest obstacle to coaching your team to rest. During a study to determine how — or even IF — managers matter, Google’s people analytics team identified eight key behaviors demonstrated by the company’s most effective managers. Can you guess which leadership skill is right at the top of the list?
“A good manager is a good COACH.” (Project Oxygen)
(See “An Open Letter to All Leaders” for the rest of the eight key behaviors)
In fact, many more businesses are getting the message that coaching skills can boost both a manager’s effectiveness and their employees’ engagement, and are including ‘coaching’ in managerial and supervisory job descriptions.
That’s a giant step in the right direction because coaching is a unique set of communication skills that, when mastered, deliver a double benefit: these powerful skills both build positive, respectful relationships AND empower teams to get the work done. When employees are coached well, and then feel valued and inspired, they’re much more likely to show up every day willing to do their best work.
If you oversee the work of others, you’re probably already familiar with coaching as a powerful relationship management skill. And if you’re a busy leader, careening from deadlines to crises and back again, you’re probably thinking one of the most common Yeah, buts:
Yeah, that’s all well and good, but I don’t have time to coach my team members!
It’s a general misconception that coaching a direct report has to be a scheduled, sit-down, lengthy, in-depth meeting. If that were the only way you could coach an employee, of course it would be difficult to work that into your already packed schedule every time an employee had an issue, question, or needed clarification.
The good news is that coaching your team members to be more engaged, self-sufficient, and responsible doesn’t have to take any more time than you spend with them right now — if you do it right.
Here are just a few of the many ways you can get more done in less time — and save your company money — when you integrate powerful coaching skills into the regular conversations you have with your team members every day:
- You can eliminate a lot of the back-story, the emotions, and the “noise” that typically clutters and sidetracks effective communication at work
- They will feel more inspired to collaborate with you and the team when they feel heard and valued
- You can “cut to the chase” and get to the heart of an issue or goal faster, so you can get to the solution and the action sooner
- They will listen to you more openly and be less resistant to your guidance when you share your own thoughts and expectations respectfully
- You can reduce costly delays and mistakes caused by miscommunication, personal agendas, and assumptions
- You can leverage “corridor coaching” to build deeper connection, rapport, and trust with your team members
- You can stop micro-managing your team and start focusing on your own work more when they feel empowered to be more self-sufficient
When you model respectful and professional communication skills, your team can bond more quickly as a drama-free, cohesive, co-creative, and collaborative unit.
If you truly want a high performance team that gets along and gets the work done, you don’t have time NOT to coach them!
Author LAURIE CAMERON, founder of WakeUp! Enterprises, is lovingly dedicated to spreading massive amounts of respect, kindness, and compassion as far and wide as she can. Her path to accomplish this is to teach the power of coaching to as many people as possible because it’s a unique communication tool that both builds positive, co-creative relationships AND gets stuff done. http://wakeupenterprises.com/
In her 18+ years of coaching hundreds of clients and training over 1000 professional coaches, she firmly believes that everyone can benefit from learning and mastering coaching skills. She is available for individual and small group coaching skills training, and mentor coaching for leaders who coach their teams.
Laurie is a senior faculty member at Coach Training Alliance, and is a Certified CTA Coach. She is also a Master Certified Opposite Strengths® Executive Coach, a Master Certified Relationship Coach with Relationship Coaching Institute, and a Certified Master Mind Facilitator.
She currently serves as the President of the Board of Directors for Mentor Me, a youth mentoring organization in Northern California, and treasures the time she spends with her 15-year-old mentee. Laurie is very active in the Petaluma Area Chamber of Commerce, regularly volunteers her time at numerous non-profit organizations in the community, and she loves living in the Petaluma Gap.
Writing the Next Chapter of Your Success Story
by David Krueger, MD
Professional Coaching Vignette
Leslie consulted me because she wanted to expand her clinical practice but felt stuck. She said she wanted either a Money Coach or a CEO Coach. An acknowledged expert in a niche area, she supervises the clinical practice of some therapists who work for her. Although she has a busy practice, she had income far below her recognized expertise.
We focused on her goals, and what she did uniquely well her primary passions. She completed my Needs, Ideals, and Concessions assessment tool to select the three needs and three ideals that best represented her core self. We immediately recognized a dicotomy between her wish to be taken care of, her need for autonomy and self-enhancement, and her ideals of mastery, creativity, and teaching others. Her needs and ideals conflicted, and were not in synchrony with her goals. She couldn’t get there from here, because all of her wasn’t going in the same direction.
Money resonated with emotional issues throughout most of Leslie’s life. She still held the hope that she would be nurtured in ways she felt she missed in childhood. For Leslie’s busy professional parents, money served as proxy for love and availability tangible evidence that they cared for her. To make substantial money now meant she would give up her wish of being taken care of by someone else: the ghost of the old story, still hungry. Success and money accumulation would mean Leslie was taking care of herself, which she wanted. But then the fantasy dies. The impossible had become accessible, though now by her own efforts.
We examined four arenas of her practice: what she wanted to change, exclude, avoid, and enhance. She refined her vision, established SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. She fashioned three initiatives for each goal. Our collaboration focused on specific strategies to navigate change.
One result of our work was that Leslie happily expanded what she did uniquely well consulting with individuals and families. We also found a way to strategically leverage her time and income by licensing people in her program; she franchised a component of her business to a national group for significant royalty income.
The Scope and Roles of Professional Coaching
Healthcare professionals or executives encounter issues that require awareness of emotional intelligence, motivation, behavior, and how people succeed. Their navigation of these matters influences many people inside and outside a system.
Certain human needs are universal, and remain present throughout life: emotional connection, effectiveness, and intellectual stimulation. These needs have even more valence with increased demands, at times of change, and with stressful challenges. Professional Coaching addresses these needs with a new delivery system for mentorship, accountability, partnership, and co-creative work.
As a Professional Coach, I help people write the next chapters in their business stories: what’s next, how to get there, and how to succeed at what happens after what happens next. My clients develop their success skills by learning more about themselves, human dynamics, and systems.
At various times with each client I am guide, strategist, empathic listener, Dutch uncle, teacher, and collaborator. And we do many things together: engage visible obstacles to visualize possibilities, align vision with needs and ideals, reframe concerns into possibilities, move fears into intentions, and co-create options.
This confidential collaboration, usually done by weekly telephone appointments, addresses core aspects of growth. Our work usually centers on common themes:
- Maximize performance and emotional rewards
- Enhance financial return
- Expand a career or business story
- Articulate a powerful personal vision that will inspire others
- Navigate major transitions
- Catalyze necessary change and reinvention
- Expand emotional intelligence of people and systems
In a Harvard study begun in the mid-1950’s, 10-15% of the Harvard Business School graduates fashioned a specific vision for their life in business. Five decades later, those 10-15% had 90% of the assets of the entire group.
The Lore Institute found that about 80% of large companies use Executive Coaches to develop leadership, enhance emotional intelligence, and ensure success at times of significant transition. Three recent business impact studies demonstrated an average of a six-fold return on investment for money spent on Executive Coaching.
How Do You Co-Create a New Story?
Stories are how we understand and how and how we remember. Our plot–our core beliefs and assumptions—informs what we notice and how we process experience. We then create narratives according to that plot. A story holds together facts, and relates information.
We ignore facts that contradict what we believe. We see only what fits a recognizable pattern on our personal radar. We believe not as much what we want to believe but what we expect to believe. Our brains and emotions are both programmed this way. We believe according to our self-image. Our views are self- statements of our perception. We also use logic and reason after the fact to rationalize emotion-based experiences. Although we see ourselves as principled, logical and objective in sorting through the facts, research demonstrates that we make decisions based on emotion, colored by bias and belief.
We see what we believe.
People see what they look for, and want to make sense of what they see. And what they look for—what appears on the radar screen—is determined by belief and assumption. For example, the most common reason people don’t earn more money and accumulate wealth is that they don’t see themselves capable of it. Once someone genuinely sees himself or herself as capable of doing it, all sorts of thing begin to happen.
The seminar room was packed with marketing executives who came to hear coaching on how to create their hottest market tool: their own book. I stepped to the podium and asked, “Have any of you seen a yellow jeep in the last month?” They registered disbelief, and finally puzzlement as they realized I was waiting for a response to a legitimate question. Finally one person tentatively raised his hand, as though he were still questioning either my seriousness or his memory.
I told them they could see a yellow jeep, now, if they wanted to. I asked them to close their eyes and visualize a yellow jeep, the specific detail of how it looked from different angles, how it felt when they touched it, how the interior smelled.
I asked them to open their eyes, and to call or email me if they happened to spot a yellow jeep. Almost everyone contacted me to report their first sighting in the following week– most in the first two days.
The number of yellow jeeps—or wealth—existing in the world doesn’t change, you just code your radar for possibility. You become what you think and feel. Beliefs become reality.
A farmer and an anthropologist pass through the same terrain of undeveloped land. The farmer sees the soil and envisions growing crops. The anthropologist sees signs of an ancient civilization and reconstructs its history. Both are right. The data viewed validates each individual’s story.
Using beliefs and assumptions, you create your own personal story and the themes of that story. The plot that you create defines and orients you in the present and guides you toward the future. The stories you tell about your life becomes your life.
Similarly, internal beliefs determine perceptions, including how you select, register and process everything you encounter.
Scientists went to a lot of trouble to discover what mothers have always known about banishing closet monsters that a placebo generates the effect of the accompanying story. The inert pill is really a story of expectation, taking the form of a medicine to work its magic. The patient is also prescribed some expectations, and in the majority of cases, they manifest. The effect validates the power of story. The story generates a truth so powerful that it can even reverse the pharmacological effect of a real medicine. The placebo is a white lie, a fiction that creates a truth. This effect shows that someone can create an experience by anticipating it.
Your experiences are always consistent with your assumptions.
Change begins with the recognition that you are the author of your own story. People perceive and remember what fits into their personal plot–an internal model of oneself and the world. Beliefs and assumptions dictate what you look for, and attribute meaning. You always find or create that which validates those beliefs, and ignore, mistrust, disbelieve–or more likely don’t notice–anything that doesn’t fit into that pattern.
The best way to escape an ongoing problem is not to create it.
Recognizing constraint and limitation, coupled with the desire to change, may give rise to the question, “How do I get out of the story?” The question assumes the story is there, a given in the universe. The story (the proverbial “box” of the familiar and accepted) becomes the obstacle, yet it is not there until created. To recognize yourself as the author–the creator of the story–challenges an assumed model, usually your own. The question may then become “How do I create something else instead?”
Creating a plan and plotting a course allows you to stay on track, recognize and avoid detours and tangents, and move more effectively toward goals. Without a plan, you can’t know where you are, and cannot strategize to get to where you want to go. If you don’t know where you want to go (a goal), you can’t figure out how to get there.
People are always free to change their minds, always free to change beliefs and core assumptions.
Change references the past. Transformation creates a new present and future. To stop doing something is not complete change–a new story incorporates new behavior and beliefs. New theory does not supplant old story. You have to embody–actually live–the story you want. Abstaining from an old story–such as symptomatic eating–is a beginning.
You have to have a new story to be in before you can give up an old story.
To become a hero of your own story, to become your own authority, requires establishing an internal ideal and living up to it. Plot is what your hero does; bad writing is making your hero do things to fit into the plot; ghostwriting is fitting into someone else’s plot.
Reprinted from the NeuroMentor® Blog Series by David Krueger, MD at www.MentorPath.com
Dr Dave’s Coaching Classes with Coach Training Alliance:
Complete this sentence: If you want better answers, you have to…
I imagine your answer is the same as every leader in my coaching skills leadership development programs:
…ask better questions!
After the last 16+ years training professional coaches, and now training leaders to integrate coaching skills into their everyday work conversations, I’ve realized that this statement needs to be modified to:
If you want better answers, you have to CRAFT better questions.
We all know how to ask questions. We’ve been asking questions since we started talking. But too often the questions that pop into our heads and come out of our mouths are not all that great, and might ultimately be counterproductive or even outright destructive. And these random, poorly thought out questions waste a lot of everyone’s time, money, and energy.
It’s important for leaders, managers, and supervisors to know how to intentionally and strategically craft powerful questions that both build positive relationships with their team members and focus on tangible results. This is the heart of facilitating efficient and productiveCoaching Conversations*. Lucky for you, knowing how to put words together in a specific and deliberate way to get the desired outcome is a learnable skill that can be practiced and mastered over time.
(* The dual intent of a Coaching Conversation is to (1) create a positive, collaborative connection, and (2) efficiently move the conversation through a concise and focused exploration that leads to a specific plan of action and accountability.)
A great place to begin this new learning process is to add some basic coaching-style questions to your leadership toolbox that you can pull out as needed and tailor to different situations. Here are ten of my favorite “toolbox” coaching questions, along with what makes them so powerful. Not all of them will be appropriate in all situations, and you will likely adjust the wording a bit to fit your own communication style or team’s culture. But this is a solid place to begin.
(To customize the question, fill in the “…” with the specifics of the particular situation.)
1. If you could design the perfect outcome for …, what would that look like?
This is a “begin with the end in mind” (Stephen Covey) question and gives your team member permission to let their creativity come out and explore. It also tells them you value their opinion, perspective, and expertise. The results may look different in the end, but it gives you both a place to start the exploration and move towards a resolution.
2. How will you know when you’re successful with …?
I love this toolbox question because it asks your team member to project forward to the point of success and start creating evaluative parameters up front so they can track their progress. This is a lot better than staying stuck in re-hashing the past, which is a gaping black hole where nothing will ever get created, other than frustration.
3. What else is possible when you make … happen?
This question helps your team member connect the dots between a particular solution and the bigger picture, rather than looking at a situation or challenge in a vacuum — because everything is connected at work. It also helps them anticipate the possible ripple effects of solving a particular challenge.
4. What CAN you do with the time/resources/budget you DO have?
This is my favorite toolbox question to ask a client who gets stuck in “I can’t” and feels mired in an either/or dilemma: they have to either do everything or nothing. When a team member is feeling restricted by time, resources, or budget, this will help them shift their focus out of the mental dead end and into possibility thinking.
5. What will it take to …?
This is one of my all-time favorite toolbox coaching questions. It both assumes success and kicks the problem-solving brain into high gear. Even if a team member’s initial answer is “I don’t know,” trust that their brain is getting engaged. Some options for completing this are:
What will it take to …
… move forward?
… turn this around?
… make this right?
… leverage this so it becomes a benefit?
… do what you need/want to do?
… make this a reality?
6. What has to be in place in order to …?
This is another strong strategy-focused and creativity-engaging question. You’re asking a team member to anticipate the foundational needs to ensure success, and to begin putting all the pieces together in their mind.
7. What can you do about this situation right now?
This question brings your team member’s focus back to the here-and-now. It’s important to balance creating and tracking the vision of success with what has to happen today in order to reach that vision; it’s gets them thinking about the next doable step.
8. On a scale from 0-10 (or 0-100%), how committed are you to …?
I love quantifying commitment for a few reasons. Although I’m sure you want to assume that your team members are fully committed to their work, the team, the project, the company, and the customers, asking them outright in certain situations can set the stage for accountability. If they say “10” (or “100%”), it’s been stated out loud, which makes it more compelling to live up to. This question can also open the path for growth. If you’ve built a trusting relationship where they know they can be honest with you, and it’s less than a 10, this opens the door to more coaching, mentoring, or training to figure out how to move them towards a 10.
9. How will this action help you move forward toward …?
This question creates continuity from one action or plan to the next, all building toward the final goal. And once an action step or plan has been identified, this question will also help your team member identify the relevance of their action — WHY doing it matters. This relevance is critical to sustaining employee engagement, motivation, and enthusiasm.
10. How does this action/plan help the team/company reach its vision & goals?
Another important facet of relevance and employee engagement is making sure your team members can connect the dots between their own work and your organization’s larger vision, mission and goals. Nothing will sink the ship faster than team members feeling that what they do all day has no meaning in the big picture.
BONUS Toolbox Question: When will you do this?
All the Coaching Conversations in the world won’t move your team member forward without identifying when something will be done – then doing it. Attaching a day and time to the action resulting from a Coaching Conversation with give both you and your team member clear accountability.
Author Laurie Cameron is a senior faculty member at Coach Training Alliance, and is a Certified CTA Coach. She is also a Master Certified Opposite Strengths® Executive Coach, a Master Certified Relationship Coach with Relationship Coaching Institute, and a Certified Master Mind Facilitator. Learn more about Laurie: www.wakeupenterprises.com
It’s no secret that employees who like their jobs and their managers work harder than employees who don’t. While managers once looked for ways to control and even intimidate their employees into working harder, the 21st century manager has discovered the wisdom in the adage “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”. Recent studies have shown significant increases in productivity and reduction in employee turnover when employees have an emotional tie that binds them to the organization.
It almost goes without saying that this same attachment results in a better attitude in the way the employees treat the customers and hence improvement in customer satisfaction.
Employee engagement never happens by accident. Instead employee engagement is the direct result of decisions by management to value their employees, listen to their thoughts and ideas, and actively seek ways to make the average employee a part of the business. My recent book and Amazon Best Seller “The Engaged Manager: Make your team a success and they’ll make you a success” assists managers and leaders at all levels of an organization understand what they have to do to engage their team and get the very best results from their employees.
As you might suspect, coaching also plays a significant role in the success of any highly engaged organization. Coaching Managers fully understand how to get the most of their employees through active listening skills, a strong contextual framework, and questions that encourage employee involvement and participation. How could employee engagement directly benefit your business clients and organizations?
Check out more about Organizational Coaching certification programs here: http://bit.ly/Organizational-Coaching-CTA
Author: Dave Meyer is a Mentor Coach and Trainer for CTA’s Certified Coach Program. He is an experienced veteran of coaching and author of The Sage and Scholar’s Guide to Coaching Assessments.
We often hear “knowledge is power.” While it is true that knowledge can be power, when it comes to change, knowledge alone just doesn’t get it done.
Recently, I was engaged in a conversation with a well-known executive coach whose niche is CEO-only coaching. We were working on leveraging his work and the leadership of his clients through the introduction of coach training to the management teams his clients lead. Seeing coaching skills more extensively and properly deployed into organizations is a particular personal passion. He asked for a seminar and I walked him through why seminars don’t have the effect of changing behavior. The conversation continued and kept circling back to the need for the training to be efficient – “get here and get it done.” Then came the Skittles.
Throughout the conversation, I had been eating from a bag of Skittles (one of the big bags). Reaching in again, it dawned on me. It’s not about knowledge. Results come from change of behavior, not from simply knowing what’s right. I pointed out that I am fitness focused, married to an athlete and wellness coach, studied Nutritional Science in college and am pretty focused on maintaining a healthy diet. I know about empty calories, the pitfalls of blood sugar spikes. I have knowledge, yet I reach for Skittles (a few times).
It’s not about knowledge transfer. Proper and effective training is about the behavioral adoption of knowledge. Power comes not from the knowledge but from the shift and resulting change. We call it “walking the talk” at CTA. But to walk the talk you need not recognize and describe the act or art of walking. You need to move your legs often enough in a regular pattern to insure the motion of walking becomes second nature. Therein lies the power of extended coach training – regular, effective, guided testing of knowledge-based skills until the knowledge becomes a proficient, natural and powerful skill.
In coaching, it’s not about knowledge, it’s about shift and resulting changes in behavior.
Author: Chris Osborn is the President of Coach Training Alliance. His lifelong learning includes experience as CEO of a large financial services company and founder of several growth oriented service companies.